When the Nudge Becomes a Push
BOOM! CRASH! SH*%#T! There goes the TV and my body. I’ve fallen out of my daily headstand. Am I okay? Yes, I think I am. Is the TV okay? Miraculously, yes, it seems to be okay. My ego? Well, she is having trouble.
I haven’t fallen out of headstand since 2018. I remember it well. It happened during the week we dropped our son off for his first year of college and learned of a scary health issue involving my dad. It made sense to me then, because I knew I was off balance. Life can be hard, and these were big events. That day, my mind was elsewhere and my anxiety was high. So down I went.
So why this time? Why eight years later has it happened again? I fear it’s because I am once again out of balance, but this time the reason isn’t so obvious. This time it served as a wakeup call to some unhealthy habits that I had allowed back into my life. I won’t get into the details of my unhealthy habits, because what is unhealthy for me might be perfectly ok for others. Let’s just say my intuition had been asking me to make a change, and I had been ignoring it for months. The fall made them impossible to ignore any longer.
These feelings and states of being always seem to make their way into my practice and serve as nudges toward the highest version of myself. That’s part of why I still practice 25 years after starting. My practice continues to help me navigate through life.
Asana practice can help us navigate life better because it is a playground where we learn, grow, and change. We learn to be strong warriors in warrior poses. We see things from a different perspective in inversions. We cultivate patience in forward bends. So often life is reflected in asana practice and vice versa.
In the case of falling out of headstand, I have to learn to be brave and balanced again. I’ve been practicing it (almost) daily since 2013. Yet after this recent fall, I feel as though I’m starting over. I silently remind myself, “set the base, root down into the earth, align the hips over the head, and exhale as both legs move upwards.”
I also know that once I’m up, I have to allow myself to shift my weight back into the unknown in order not to struggle. This might be the more important lesson. In an effort to keep myself safe, I’m inclined to tip forward making it easier to catch myself on my feet if I fall. However, doing so keeps me from feeling centered, and creates more tension in my neck and shoulders. I have to rock back, even if only a millimeter, to find ease.
Life can also make us fearful, especially when starting over or making a change, even when we know that change will be better for us in the long run. It’s human nature to hang on to the space that makes us feel safe. But clinging to the familiar may create more tension as we outgrow our old ways.
We may need to adapt and change, or move just a millimeter into the scary space to find ease. Heck, that small shift may even help us find expansion and joy!