Why Neighbors Matter More Than You Think
Earlier this year, one of my dear neighbors died. We had been neighbors for 25 years, and while she was in her golden years, it was completely unexpected. She was the first one to welcome us when we moved in, and she let us borrow her lawnmower for the first few weeks until we could buy our own. Over the years, we exchanged baked treats, old stories, and spent time weekly just chatting briefly about the latest news in our families. We weren’t the best of friends, but we were consistent. I continue to miss her so much, even though it has been months since she passed.
As my grief over her continues, I’m beginning to realize that this relationship that seemed casual and surface-level was actually deep, dependable, and gave me such a sense of belonging. I wish I had appreciated her more while she was still here. Clearly, we cared. We absolutely watched out for each other. And over the many years, we bonded.
This past weekend, I felt a similar sadness come over me when I saw a moving truck in the driveway of another neighborhood family. I’m sure I will miss them as well. They were yet another informal, but constant connection.
Luckily, I still have a connection with many other neighbors, and will continue to build relationships with new neighbors as they come. It’s part of who I am. But if it’s not part of who you are, I encourage you to build it. It’s actually more important than you may realize.
As I was wondering why I love my neighbors and neighborhood so much, I discovered some interesting facts. According to Kelly-Ann Allen, Ph.D. in her article in Psychology Today:
Knowing even a few neighbors can reduce loneliness and improve well-being. Six is enough.
Everyday interactions—like lending a hand—build meaningful local connection.
Neighborly connection supports older adults, newcomers, and those facing mental health challenges.
When belonging is absent, people feel less safe, more isolated, and less inclined to engage.
All of these facts are backed by scientific studies that she sites in her article. Belonging, connection, and safety are the things we get from loving our neighbors. They also happen to be really important things that we need as humans.
Neighborly connections don’t have to be time-consuming or even a lot of effort. I recommend walking daily in the evening when more people tend to be out. This is one of the best ways to begin to recognize people in your neighborhood. Compliment them, or ask them about their dog. One short sentence, one short answer, done over time with consistency, and you will have a neighborly bond. Spend a little more time, and the bond can become stronger. Even recognizing neighbors by face alone helps to reduce the “otherness of others” phenomenon that can happen. You don’t have to be friends or even know their name, although it’s great if that does happen.
I’ve heard from former neighbors that our neighborhood is special, and they miss what they had here. The fact so many of us try to get to know one another is just not the same in other neighborhoods. To that I say, “it just takes one person willing to make the effort.” I hope that person will be you.